Frogwell Fings - January 2011
"In the Year Our Lord 2011, Noah was living above a former boatyard in Polperro (along with his sons Ham, Shem, and the other one nobody can ever remember) whn the Lord came unto him. "Noah, good servant of mine.
Once again the world has become wicked and overpopulated. Build another Ark and save two of every creature. Then gather around a few good humans and prepare for the deluge to be visited upon Earth in six months time. Here are the blueprints for the Ark"... Six months late God returned to Polperro, but there was no sign of an Ark, just Noah sitting dejected in his boatyard: "NOAH! Where's the Ark? I'm about to start the rain!"... Forgive me, Lord but I needed a building permit, and these premises were no longer licenced for boat construction. That took weeks. Then the Boat inspector insisted I install a sprinkler system (EU Directive 97/EC/1492); then the neighbours complained I'd violated local by-laws by exceeding permitted height limitations, (that took three weeks to sort out); then I had to source the gopher wood from sustainably managed forests...Don't even mention the nightmare of getting the animals - the trouble I've had with the RSPCA. Then the Environment Agency turned up. They want an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."... "As for the crew," Noah continued, "I had the Racial Equality lot here last week, demanding we follow cultural, and ethnic groups. It's doing my head in!"... Suddenly the clouds rolled away, the sun came out and a glorious rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder: "Lord, does this mean You're not going to destroy the world?"... "No, I'm not", said God. "The goverment beat me to it. "