Boss has been looking really worried lately, muttering about feed prices going from £143 ton in April up to £195 ton now. He reckons tis becoming very tight even though he sells all the offspring I produce for him, direct to the public through their farm shop. He reckons direct selling tis the only way small producers can survive. Luckily us saddlebacks taste delicious so boss is getting more and more customers each month.

Boss came up grinning yesterday, evidently he had been on some internet thing on something called a computer, checking out other people selling pig arks, the same as he does. He reckons the arks he makes are miles stronger and field tested by a proper pig herd. He came across one site where they rabbited on about us pigs being clean animals and never fouling our bedding -RUBBISH !! He said these people are talking absolute nonsense and he wondered if they had ever really kept pigs. He was looking in a pen next to mine, at a pen of twelve of my offspring, the lazy little blighters had all started dunging in the corner of their house. A bit of rain and they do it inside !! He never gets this problem with us adult pigs !! And the problem is easily sorted in the weaner pens, by restricting the room inside the house to the actual area they need to sleep in. We pigs never foul our actual sleeping area.

Boss does this, by using straw bales and then cutting them open as the young uns grow. Tis funny, us adult pigs don’t do it, we go outside even if its chucking it down and when its hot, we do like the wallows boss made, tis lovely !! Evidently we have no sweat glands, don’t know anything about that, I just love that mud.

Boss is going to oil us all tomorrow. He uses an old fashioned pig oil and scrubs us all over, especially under our armpits and bits we can’t reach to scratch. It gets rid of all those horrible mangy bugs. I’ve decided I will be good for him and stand still because it feels so good afterwards. Someone told him that lard was a good remedy for mange and mites and last month he went off to Spar and came back with a case of it. Big mistake as I managed to eat three packs before he had the wrapper off the first !! Anyway he persevered and rubbed this stuff all over us. I don’t think it’s as good as the oil but bless him for trying.

I feel sorry for those commercial pigs kept in concrete pens on slats. We have a one of these farms down the road from my pen. I can hear them go past in the truck on the way to pig Valhalla,  the different litters all mixed together fighting and screaming. On the day before pig heaven day on this farm boss puts the trailer in the loading yard, the porkers are fed in the trailer in the morning and next morning they trot up the ramp and away they go. Boss reckons stress taints the meat, (in that case I wouldn’t like to eat him).

Just had a thought for any of you mass murderers out there reading this, they reckon a human body in a pen of pigs would be completely gone and untraceable  within 7 days. Please phone the boss direct as he is looking to diversify on our farm.

I must have too much time on my hands because I have wandered away from talking about our life on our farm. We pigs run out all year round, we are deep bedded on barley straw, we are fed twice a day 365 times a year. Tis pretty good to be the main stock boar at West Frogwell !!